The Saddest Day of My Life.

I can only write and post this by today because the last two weeks are the most demoralizing moment of my entire life. The person that I love the most, that I care and put my heart for, the reason I’m living and the one I refer to and always remember when I’m down has left me forever and never returns. I lost my beloved mother on the 31st of January 2009 (4 Safar 1430). My mother passed away on the lonely bed at Hospital Umum Sarawak at 11 pm due to heart problem, diabetes and committed to have strokes in her brain. My mother left me at her 70 years old age while I am going to have my 29 birthday just three days after that. Everyone is around during that sad day, my brothers and sisters, her in laws, grandchildren, everyone that she cares the most.

On the last breath she took my brother called me telling that we have lost her. Thank God I’m here in Sarawak and not still in Shah Alam. She was the main reason why I got myself back here in my hometown and she was the reason I’m striving to live a successful life as a teacher. She was always hoping that one day I’ll live a successful life and thank God for her never ending prayers day and night, I’m here as I am in her wish. She loves me the most and I knew it since long as I’m always around with her and she was always being there for me since then. I remember one time she was telling my father how much she loves while I was going to sleep long time ago when I was still in secondary school. That was a very touching moment for me.

I remember everything about mom, most of them are good things, things that are full of lesson whenever she’s around and the thing that I’ll never forget is how she shows her affection towards me as the youngest member of my family. The last time I cried for her is because someone threatened to hurt her, and that was when I’m still in primary schools, aged 10- 12 years old. I even swore to my mom that I’ll never let someone hurt her but now there’s nothing that I can do to protect her, Allah loves her better than I am and took her away in front of my eyes. I cried for like I never cried before, there’s nothing that can hold my sadness this time. My friend Ahab sat next to me telling me to be patient and I know that he can feel the same way since we’ve been grown up together. My mom always refers him as a very dependable friend and yes he is indeed, more than I know.

That day was the saddest day of my life, it’s like the end of everything to me and it really broke my heart and spirit to live. I tried to avoid myself from crying but the more I try, the more I want to and the more flashes of memories of my mom come towards me. It really hard for me to let go, harder than I can imagine it would be during the time my mom got herself really sick in the hospital.

No matter what, I need to let go and that’s why I choose to write about it no matter how long it should take me to and I choose today as the best day to let some of the things out. Maybe I should again next time when the time is right. Goodbye Mak for now, I will see you again next time, just wait for me in front of the door like you always did. I will come to you.